Friday, June 30, 2006

Ear Pierced

I got my ear pierced at that place on St. Mark's Place because they said they'd do it while I waited.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Shopping

I bought some invisible tape today, I think.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Medication

If you are taking medication for an infected foot do not make love to your wife with that foot.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Cooking With Ice

Push a large block of ice through the city streets until it melts completely. Then blend together the following ingredients.

1/3 cup lemon juice
1 1/2 cups sugar
4 eggs

Pour the mixture into a graham cracker crust and bake at 325 degrees.

Monday, June 12, 2006

The A.D.D. Gourmet

1. In a small pan, saute 1/2 c. onion in two tbsp. oil or butter.
2. Heat a can of condensed tomato soup.
3. Sift 3/4 cup flour.
4. Melt 2 oz. unsweetened chocolate.
5. Prepare 1 cup freshly riced potatoes.
6. Measure 1/4 tsp. paprika.
7. Trim 3 pounds fresh tripe.
8. Mince wisps of finoccchio leaf.
9. Scrub thoroughly 7 to 9 medium-size soft-shell clams.
10. Remove the seeds from 1 whole orange.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Justine and I...

Justine and I were in the elevator when we heard an eerie sound from the ceiling. To me it sounded like a celestial choir but to Justine it sounded like a cat. We got off on the wrong floor and then we heard it again, only this time much louder. I was positive it was Mascagni's "Cavalleria Rusticana" but Justine stuck to her cat theory.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

The Dentist Said...

The dentist said your teeth were good but the gums were starting to recede and that could be a problem in the future. He said if this doesn't work you might need a mouth transplant.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Early Pornography, Probably Colonial

Sluts in Shoe-Buckles
Our Pounding Fathers
Priscilla Does Plymouth
Spanksgiving

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Tozan's Pretzels

A monk asked Tozan when he was eating some pretzels: “What is Buddha?”
Tozan said: “These pretzels are making me thirsty.”