Thursday, May 25, 2006

Boner

A handsome young Zen monk came to Bankei and complained: "Master, I have an uncontrollable boner. How can I master it?"
"You have something very strange," replied Bankei. "Let me see what you have."
"Just now I cannot show it to you," replied the other.
"When can you show it to me?" asked Bankei.
"It arises unexpectedly," replied the student.
"Then," concluded Bankei, "it must not be your own true nature. If it were, you could show it to me at any time. When you were born, you did not have it, and your parents did not give it to you. Think that over."

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Just Go Fuck Yourself

Gasan was sitting at the bedside of Tekisui three days
before his teacher’s passing. Tekisui had already
chosen Gasan as his successor.
A temple had recently burned down and Gasan was
rebuilding it. Tekisui asked him: “What are you going
to do when the temple is rebuilt?”
“When you’re better we want you to speak there,” said
Gasan.
“Suppose I die before then?” “Then we’ll find somebody
else,” replied Gasan.
“Suppose you can’t get anybody?” said Tekisui.
Gasan answered loudly: “Don’t ask such stupid
questions. Just go fuck yourself.”

Sunday, May 21, 2006

New Wave Seafood

Koi Division
The Bream Syndicate
Sushi & the Banshees
CLAM!

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Rock N Roll Seafood

Cod Rundgren
Bachman-Tuna-Overdrive
Fleetwood Mackerel
Salmon & Garfunkel

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Obituary Project

Write your own obituary.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Handy Hint

Burlap wrapped around your dog’s face when he’s hanging his head out of a car window will keep bugs from sticking in his teeth. From time to time it may be necessary to remove the burlap and clean it. However, a neater dog will result and grooming will not be so tiring.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Advice

Listen to a pillow by pressing your head to it. Listen to a table by pressing your ear to it and listening through your palms.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Last Night

Last night I ran into Paris Hilton. Even my wife was amazed. I was in the ladies' room.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Unsexy

Gilbert Gottfried is the most
unsexy man in the world,
a recent poll shows.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Quotation

"Before learning to write with my sweater I learned to write with my hand."
- John Steinbeck

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Seattle

Hey, look! It's raining!

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Quotation

"Although our information is inaccurate, we do not guarantee it."
- Erik Satie

Monday, May 01, 2006

Rejected Mafia Nicknames

Vanilla
Kitty
Jughead
Marcel Duchamp
Senor Wences
Archilochus
Tony the Logical Positivist
X-15
Gideon
Achilles Fang