Thursday, April 27, 2006


Experience, I once read, is one of the forms of paralysis.

Sunday, April 23, 2006


How come there's only one game called Monopoly?

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Most Common Causes of Death for Stick Figures

Wet floor
Smoke inhalation
Crushed by vending machine

Thursday, April 20, 2006

We Have Chocolate Pudding

When Banzan was walking through the Union Square greenmarket he overheard a conversation between a vendor and his customer.

“Do you have chocolate mousse?” asked the customer.

“We have chocolate pudding,” replied the vendor.

At these words Banzan became enlightened.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006


“Laughter,” according to Reader’s Digest, is “the best medicine.”

Monday, April 17, 2006


What was Henry VIII’s real last name?

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Fortune Cookie

No one loves you. They're just pretending to be nice. But they talk bad about you after you leave the room. You're going to die alone.

Friday, April 14, 2006

Recent Symptoms

Sweating. Itching. Anorexia. Night sweats. Dizziness. Headache. Sensation disturbance. Chills. Malaise. Delusions. Depersonalization. Euphoria. Hallucinations. Hostility. Libido increased. Manic reaction. Paranoid reaction. Psychosis. Stupor.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006


How fragile
and fresh
is in life—
even the NBA.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Christmas Card from My Brother

Dear Mike,

A deer like the one pictured on the front of this card got hit by a car on Hobson Road a few weeks ago. It then ran through the sliding glass doors in Al Olson's apartment. The cops came and shot it because it got trapped inside and was wrecking the place. It made the Progress. Merry Christmas.

Love, Randy

Sunday, April 09, 2006


I dreamed I split into my good and evil selves and found that without the evil part I dithered too much to command The Enterprise.

Friday, April 07, 2006

As It Turns Out

As it turns out they have relaxed the restrictions and I think your son should reapply. Make sure he wears protective clothing since he will most likely appear before one with a bird head, one with a rat head, and one with the head of a snake.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

16 O'S 16 0'S

O O 0 O 0 O O
0 O 0 0 O 00
0 O 0 0 OO 0
0 O O O O O
0 0 0 0 O

Monday, April 03, 2006


One day I found a pea the size of a golf ball. The next day I found a golf ball the size of a pea.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

A Brilliant Idea

When Neal "Smiley" Salyer hitchhiked to the outskirts of Los Angeles a few years ago, he was flat broke. What’s more, as an ex-farmhand and small town grocery clerk from Idaho, he had no special training or talents which he could count on to bring him some ready cash in a hurry.

But he had an idea. At this moment, tired and dusty from his trip, he may have wondered whether his idea would work. He found himself standing nearby a combination bakery and soda fountain, so he decided to find out. He entered the shop, asked for the manager, and whispered something in the shopkeeper’s ear.

It was a brilliant idea!