Monday, March 27, 2006

A Numskull Story

Once two boys jumped onto a bus, but the second boy fell clumsily under the rear wheel.

A nitwit was standing in the subway watching a train come in. Thinking that he would have a little fun, the nitwit said, "I'll jump in front of this train!"

The conductor was explaining to one of the mothers of the two boys how he works too hard for little money. The conductor felt the brake with his hand and said the name of the station over the radio.

The nitwit jumped in front of the train.

A subway worker with a hangover kept falling down near the third rail.

The mother kept looking around all the time at the other mother, who in her turn kept looking around all the time at the first mother.

Then the nitwit was hosed off the track and the train started moving again.

The subway worker with the hangover kept on falling down for a long time, but in the end, feeling he might never get rid of his hangover, simply put his hand on the third rail. At that moment a man was thinking about his upcoming vacation.

A numskull came by; again somebody jumped in front of the train, and the train stopped. The man with his hand on the third rail burned his sleeves. Then, about seven or eight cars behind the conductor came one loaded with long heavy railroad ties.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

A Fjord

In Norway
I never saw a Fjord
But one day
I saw a Chjevrolet.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Forgotten Slogans of the Seventies

Liberty or jail.
Make up, not war.
Power to each person.
The last day of your previous life was only yesterday.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Far Out

When Arthur first heard that there was a nude beach only 15 miles from where he was staying he immediately called his friend Judy and had her drive their old car over and in less than an hour he and

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Today's Scripture

"Yea, though I walk through the shadow of death, I will see no evil."
- Psalm 23:4

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Theory

Theoretically if you took all the blood vessels out of your body and laid them end to end you would die.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Noon

When I looked in the mirror I noticed that the letters on his shirt were backwards. “What a dope,” I thought. “This interview should be a cinch.”

Monday, March 13, 2006

Quotation

"A mind quite vacant is a mind distressed."
- William Cowper

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Less Than Nobel Prizes

The Sordid Prize
The Scurvy Prize
The Vile Prize

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Boycott

Don't buy clothes from American Apparel. The owner who is married had an affair with a model I heard.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

As It Turns Out

As it turns out they have relaxed the restrictions and I think your son should reapply. Make sure he wears protective clothing since he will most likely appear before one with a bird head, one with a rat head, and one with the head of a snake.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Most Common Causes of Death for Stick Figures

Electric shock
Smoke inhalation
Crushed by vending machine

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

This Mind Is Buddha

Two monks were arguing about whether their train was moving. One said: “Our train is moving.”

The other said: “The train on the tracks next to us is moving.”

The Sixth Patriarch happened to be walking down the aisle. He asked them: “Would I look good in short shorts?”