Monday, February 27, 2006

Waffle House

My friend from Waffle House says if you stacked all of the sausage patties they serve in one day, it would reach the top of the Empire State Building. I say, why bother?

Saturday, February 25, 2006

We Have Chocolate Pudding

When Banzan was walking through the Union Square greenmarket he overheard a conversation between a vendor and his customer.

“Do you have chocolate mousse?” asked the customer.

“We have chocolate pudding,” replied the vendor.

At these words Banzan became enlightened.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Who-o-o Knows?

Dear Wise Old Owl,

Why do flamingos sometimes stand on one leg?

Kim Schlepp
Pewaukee, WI

Flamingos spend most of their time standing, Kim. If they stood on both legs all day, both legs would get very tired. So the flamingo rests one leg at a time by tucking it up.

It’s the same reason why you see many waiters, bus drivers, and firefighters standing on one leg.

Dear Wise Old Owl,

How long can a kitten stay underwater?

John Jarka
Woodridge, IL

A kitten can stay underwater for three to eight minutes, John. It may swim a quarter of a mile underwater before coming up for air!

Dear Wise Old Owl,

Why do the swallows return on March 20th every year to the mission at San Juan Capistrano in California?

Edna Bonnette
Mendenhall, MS

I think it’s March 19th, Edna.

Monday, February 20, 2006

More Ways to Cook and Eat Celine Dion

Medallions de Dion
Céline Kabobs
Tandoori Dion
Céline Pot Pie

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Post Office

There’s this thing I do where I swallow letters, then I swallow stamps, then I pull them out and all the letters are stamped.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Disappointment

6'5"
4"

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Divine Love

God rains his love down on us every day. But we don’t feel that love, because our ego is like a giant umbrella that we hold over our heads. What we need to do is put that umbrella away in the ego’s umbrella stand—then we will feel God’s love. Ego’s umbrella stand, in black walnut or mahogany. $7,500.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Stella

It was a hot afternoon—perfect for a swim—but I’d promised Stella I’d meet her at the train station. Around two o’clock I took my bicycle and started out. When I arrived at the train station, Stella wasn’t there. Then I realized I wasn’t at the train station, but in a hut made of tongue depressors and pieces of gum. Still, where was she?